A proposed thank-you note from the Democrats to the Republicans

During this season of giving and thanksgiving, it's important to acknowledge those who have given us much. During the past two years, the Republican Party has given the Democratic Party much indeed. By an amazing set of missteps, they've given the Dems both houses of Congress, the majority of the State Houses, control over judicial appointments, appropriations, taxes, and much more. It's only appropriate for the Dems to thank the Republicans for their generosity. Here's a draft thank-you note that they could send:

Dear GOP:

Two years ago, we were in a state of desperation. The nation had completely rejected our cornerstone issues of gay marriage, abortion on demand, devaluing support for the millitary, and raising taxes. We couldn't even beat you with the endless support from the mainstream media. We basically didn't have a leg to stand on. We were hopeless.

That's when you generously helped us by making the American people feel more anger toward you with every passing month. You committed blunders that we hadn't even thought of yet (though we might have committed them if we had). In just two years time, you made yourselves so repulsive in the hearts of the American people that they put us in office just to spite you. All of this even though we still don't have much of a plan and still stand for many of the moral issues that most Americans disagree with.

We just want to take a minute to say ... THANKS!!

Thank you for mismanaging the greatest natural disaster since the Galveston Hurricane of 1900. In Hurricane Katrina, we lost almost a half of the number of lives lost in 911. But, you continued to stand by the highest level officials involved in the response. And you convinced even more Americans that you weren't concerned about their lives. Not only by not actually visiting the city for a long period of time after the disaster, but by openly debating whether or not the city should be rebuilt. This really helped us a lot in terms of getting people mad at you. Again, thank you.

Thank you for having people more people in your party who were caught breaking the law than we've had in ours. Yes, we had a member videotaped taking a bribe and having cash in his freezer. But, you helped take the focus away from us by having one of your pillar members indicted, another important member imprisoned, and yet another on his way to prison. Also, a big thanks for failing to investigate a possible pedophile (we've had them in our party, too, but didn't think to cover it up). All of this, too, helped us out tremendously.

Although we still don't have any particular ideas about how to get out of Iraq, you made us look good in comparison by appearing to be somewhat unaware of the situation on the ground. As our casualties mount, you gave the public the impression that you were blind to the challenges our troops face and blindly loyal to leadership that wasn't working. All of this means more to us than words can ever express. All we really can say to state our gratitude is: "let's work together."

Also, thanks for the little things that you did that meant so much in this election. Thanks for ticking off black voters even more (we didn't think you could) by stalling on renewing the Voting Rights Act of 1965 and by having almost half of your Senators refuse to condemn lynching (we were really worried after conservative blacks in Ohio and Florida helped Bush win in 2004, but you helped keep the trend from spreading :-)) And thanks for having a number of people who preached family values but lived very much to the contrary. And your members of Congress have added so many pork-barrel earmarks to bills that you've actually made us look like the fiscally conservative party. Wow! Much thanks also for stalling Autism research and preventing a Flight 93 memorial from being built. Through these gestures and more, you essentially gave us the House. Also, cheers to Rush Limbaugh for changing the human embreyonic stem cell debate into a discussion about his cruel comments about Michael J. Fox. How did you know that we wanted the Missouri Senate seat?

We don't know what we did do deserve this kindness from you (or what we did to deserve to get elected). But, we just want to express how much this means. Thank you for giving us both houses of congress, and, just because the public was completely turned off by everything Republican, you even threw in the governorships. Don't worry, we will return the favor at some point soon.

P.S. Thank you for the Virginia Seat. We weren't expecting that.


Sincerely,
The Democrats